hmmmm, friendship. a thing to hold on too...

i am keeping your picture in my mind.
your soul is a thing i could never find.
we were a thing to pretend,
but i still want u as a friend.
your voice was there to comfort me,
but comfort and love are hard to see.
i miss you, but we both have moved on.
our friendship was here, but now it is gone.

love, what it means...

what is it?? people say they are madly in love but i think they dont know what it means!! it says in the webster's dictionary:
1. strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties
2. too gross to mention
3. affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests
4. warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion
5. an object attachment
6. a persons adoration for god
it goes to 20 definitions but i don't want to bore you to death!

well for him instead of saying i love you say maybe i admire everything about you, i have a strong affection for you, or say i adore you! i adore, love, and admire him. he is my hero... just think about it for a minute...

neal and cry...

as i nelt down i started to cry. joy was there but it came as a nightmare. sadness was there in my heart. darkness spreading over the soul. i was in love, i was... but now am not. in these rainy days i neal and cry. love is forbidden.

as darkness spreads over the soul like the longing for joy in my heart, i never smile. salty water rolls down my deep, pale skin. i feel as though im living in black and white. nobody understands me. nobody has the time...

time

i run from the shadow of darkness. i am not afraid. i wish i could go back but if i do i get lost forever. if the shadows would stand still with time i wouldn't have to run. but time only stands still in distant dreams. now without time the shadows chase me forever...

to him... if only i could

when the world has stopped it's last beat, you know how it feels. this is a broken heart that can't be mended. it's last beat depends on you. the battle strikes at the heart only if there is a reason for it being broken. the last beat of the world is over. now there is just a battle with love...

what if i don't want to battle love. my heart may be a little broken but i don't need to battle. i have felt the last beats of the world as though my heart was helping it get a rhythm. boom boom is all it sound like. i cry because my heart can never be mended. i know how the last beat of the world feels but as i think of you the pain sinks lower. the last beat of the world did not depend on me alone. it depended on you as well...

his eyes

as i quote from a wise friend "your eyes will stare into his for the rest of your days". it is so so so true. the first time i looked into his eyes i couldn't stop. if you fall in love with a person you know my wise friend is correct because every time you stare into that person's eyes you get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. you long for that feeling. every time i look into his eyes the feeling is there. his deep eyes, so wonderful as though he and i are the only people on earth.

in my mind...

in my mind things happen and the world changes in a good way. but out of my mind the world changes in some bad ways and some good. there is one thing that wont change is my heart. hearts are the key to a world undiscovered. but i have one question...

we were given two hands to hold, two legs to walk, two eyes to see, and two ears to listen. but why only one heart? i can answer that. the reason is because the other one was given to someone for us to find.

i found the person many times or so i thought. all of those backstabbing people built my heart stronger then tore it down. i want to find the right person. that could take forever but i am willing to wait. right now i just want to live life and have fun!

still, in my mind i dream of the day and i hope that "he" has my other heart and i hope that he is the one to build me up and never tear me down. for now he is the guy of my dreams. but what will happen tomorrow is still untold...

i cant wait but he is waiting

i cant wait for school to start because he is there. he is just waiting. i am not but still. i wonder what he is waiting for. probably he is not waiting for me but a girl can dream cant she!? i wish right now i could stare in to his deep eyes again. if only he was here but he isnt he is there i am here and he is waiting for life to take a deep breath. isnt that a metaphor or something. if it is what does it mean. maybe he is waiting for the world to wake up and descover life. not just life but its meaning. whatver it is i still remain unoticed in his wonderful world. he stares right through me as though i were a window. he is waiting, just waiting for life to take its deep breath and go on...

to you

as i stare int your deep eyes i see warmth and kindness. it is hard for me to look away. if only i could tell you how i feel. i like you a lot and i wish you liked me too. i may be a kid but i have feelings. my feelings are to strong for me to describe. now all i can say is i love you and i can only say it in my mind...